Sunday, April 26, 2015

Hoist On His Own Pootard

Thunder has a saying, "The Schaden freudes itself." From the Schadenfreude Department, we have a serious case of unforeseen circumstances biting a bigot in the ass- the infamous Pastor Martin "Eat Da Poo Poo" Ssempa has been accused of promoting homosexuality in Uganda.

If you don't know who Pastor Ssempa is, he's a homophobic propagandist who, possessing more gay porn than the Castro District, travels throughout Uganda in order to promote anti-gay legislation by showing extreme scat porn. His infamous "Eat Da Poo Poo" tirade went viral, spawning a bunch of parodies and spoofs. Tengrain often blogs about Matt Barber, an anti-gay activist who thinks about gay sex more than the most promiscuous rentboy in the West Village- Ssempa is a lot like this, the guy thinks about the most extreme gay sex acts more than all of the Pride Day marchers combined.

It's only appropriate that he got caught up in a law that he has relentlessly promoted... he was hoist on his own pootard.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Ode to Billy Joe Bobby Jindal

Via Tengrain, we have news that Bobby Jindal of Louisiana is looking to pass an Indianesque "religious freedom" law to let bigots off the hook when they persecute LGBT folks. Meanwhile, his budgetary lunacy will force Louisiana State University to cut down to the bone. Nice priorities, eh? With that in mind, how about a little poem dedicated to pie-ish (he's not a real pie, he may be flaky but he's only half-baked)?

Jesus don't really care about your buttsex.
Jesus don't really care about your kink.
To Jesus it just doesn't even matter,
If you stick it in the brown or in the pink.

Jesus don't really care about your buttsex.
Jesus don't really care about your freak.
Why don't you read what he said in the Bible?
Shouldn't you start to turn the other cheek?

If you want to consider yourselves Christians, start acting like Jesus, not like some Deuteronomy-cherry picking authoritarian. Time to put the Christ back in Christianity.

Friday, April 24, 2015

It's Supposed to be SPRING!!!

Tonight, I had to hunt for my winter hat before heading off for work. It's supposed to dip down to right around the freezing point. Last week, the mercury hit 77 degrees (25 Celsius) and I was wearing shorts as I strolled throughout the neighborhood. I'm glad I didn't plant anything (I have some butternut squash seeds I plan to plant in a corner of one of our sites) yet.

I have a suspicion that the temperatures are going to jump from the current lows to a summery heat in the course of the next couple of months. If last year is any indication, it'll be a crappy year for wild berries. Oh, well, at least the lambs quarters will be plentiful.

Thunder keeps trying to send redbud flowers my way, but Old Man Winter keeps sending them back to dormancy. He's got his redbud already, so I see a redbud salad in his near future. I'll have to make do with my nettles for the time being.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

The Daffodils Are Nice, But...

We have a profusion of daffodils at several of our sites, and they happily were in full bloom around the time of our Spring fundraiser. The daffodils are lovely, but the resurgence of the stinging nettles makes me happier than their blooming. Long-time readers will know that I eat a lot of stinging nettles in the Spring.

Nettles have a high protein content for a green vegetable. Being one of the first herbaceous plants to emerge in the Spring, nettles were an important food in the days before fresh produce could be shipped from distant parts. This onetime "make it or break it" food has fallen off the radar for most people, but there are a handful of nettle adherents out there.

For the next two months, I'll be subsisting on nettle soup, nettle fritters, creamed nettles, nettle hortopitta, nettle pesto, nettle quiche, nettle omelets, nettle... I think you get the picture. I'm kinda like Yosemite Sam in Rabbitson Crusoe with his coconuts, but I actually love nettles:

I don't know if you can eat daffodils... nah, the very dedicated gardeners of our grounds department would have my head.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Earth Day: Brooklyn Style!

I celebrated Earth Day by taking a nice walk through my neighborhood, down to 233rd St, the northern edge of Woodlawn Cemetery, which is a beautiful green space in a surprisingly green section of New York City. My neighborhood, which straddles the Yonkers/Bronx border, is home to many trees, as a perusal of this lovely NYC tree map (warning: TIME SINK!!!) will confirm.

Meanwhile, in another Outer Borough, an intrepid environmentalist, a clean-water advocate, swam in the most polluted body of water in the United States. The Gowanus section of Brooklyn is near and dear to my heart, being the location of the beautiful Bell House. I am no stranger to the canal, if I arrive in Gowanus early on Secret Science Club lecture nights, I will sometimes walk up 3rd Avenue to take in the forlorn beauty of the polluted waterway. My friend Margaret told me about the canoe trips sponsored by the Gowanus Dredgers, but I haven't had the time to sign up for a paddle.

At any rate, the intrepid Christopher Swain swam the Gowanus Canal, but cut his swim short due to impending thunderstorms. At the end of his swim, he rated the water quality: "It tasted like mud and poop."

I'm sure it tasted like victory.

Mr Swain's stalwart stunt did bring a lot of media attention to the waterway. His closing statement was a wonderful example of idealism: “We deserve a Gowanus Canal that’s a jewel, that’s a diamond, that sparkles in the sun.” As someone who has gazed over its waters, I agree with him one hundred percent.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Where's a Jedi Knight When You Need One?

Via Raw Story, we have news that William Shatner is trying to "crowdsource" a project that would bring water from the Seattle area down to California:

The “Star Trek” star has told Yahoo! Tech journalist David Pogue he intends to start a crowdsource campaign on to raise $30 billion for a pipeline to bring water from the Seattle area for use by thirsty California.

Well, the big problem with this idea is that Washington state is experiencing a drought, and the residents would take it ill if their water were stolen. A better solution would be to expand efforts to build ocean desalination plants along the California coast.

At the risk of igniting a "Star Trek vs Star Wars" fight, I have to opine that Mark Hamill should counter William Shatner by proposing a moisture vaporator project throughout California. There are moisture laden breezes wafting off the coastal waters, how about harnessing that moisture?

On a serious note, George Lucas is a socially responsible guy, maybe he can fund a feasibility study... why not be SoCal-ly responsible as well?

Monday, April 20, 2015

We Interrupt the Quotidian Rhodomontade

The redoubtable Smut Clyde, a hero of bravery, has reminded us that today is the annual "Talk Like a Jack Vance Character Day". Let all indulge in a salmagundi of rococo repartee so as to avoid the obloquy of individuals of taste and distinction.

I have been remiss, a mooncalf and a villein, in not posting about Jack Vance since that worthy made his transition to an empyrean realm. I shall endeavor to correct such deficiencies in future.

Getting back to the prosaic everyday tongue for a moment, I have to note that spellcheck really doesn't dig the Vancian linguistic mode- infernal machine!